Celebration
by BloodyNeutral
Summary: Everyone but Severus is acting very strange in the Hogwarts castle. What is going on? Why is suddenly Weasley beginning to wear dresses? Why is Draco giving massages and what is going on between Granger and that houseelf Dobby! X.X' SLASH


**Celebration**

**Warning**: As I said before, those who doesn't like **slash**... Dobby will show ye the exit.. :) Some **swearing **and mild adult content.. Not that bad, I think.. sheepish grin AND Lockhart is still high mighty obssesed with Sevvie.. '

**Disclaimer**: I **don't** own anything in this story that comes from the HP world, that only belongs to J.K Rowling.. But I **do** own the silly and lame potion at the end and my friends and mine characters.. (Leo, Mae, Nettie, Kail, Sarichi and Lina).

**Parings**: SS/SB and some other very **cough **intresting pairings.. x')

Severus Snape, the infamous Hogwarts potions-master, known to the students as the "greasy-git", slumped defeated on his very comfortable armchair.

He drowned his misery by the fabolous muggle-drink. Scotch.

At times he would find it disgusting and horrible.

But right now, he pretty much deserved it.

His hooked nose twitched and ignored a muffled banking on his door.

His black eyes were dangerously annoyed.

Severus did in fact NOT have a good day.

And it started out early just this crazy morning...

-

"Uncle Seeeeev! Seeevvie!"

Severus slammed the door open with an scowl and seeing the intruder he stared.

"Finally! Happy to see me?"

Standing in front of him was a happily squealing Ron Weasley.

And he was wearing a short dress.

In pink.

With his hair in pig-tails.

God, his red-hair clashed with the turquois scarf.

What the hell?

"Do you just looove my dress?" Ron smiled in delight and twirled around making his dress flow and showing his veeery hairy legs. "I think it is gorgeous! You should try it sometimes. Those black-robes you keep wearing all day long is dreadfully boooring..."

While the newly female Ron rambled on, Severus, –after staring at his d-cup-, got a grip on himself and silenced him with a glare.

"What is the meaning of this, Mr. Weasley?"

He crossed his arms and gave him his famous "speak-the-truth-or-die"-glare.

What Severus didn't expect however was Ron started to sniff and get teary-eyed.

"Se..Sevvie-poo? You...you.. You don't love me anymore?"

Severus panicked when that...Weasley... Began to wail and clung to him.

Severus coughed uneasily and clapped him hesitantly on his shoulder.

"Erhm.. There, there.."

He even forgot to yell the lunatic of a Gryffindor for the stupid nicknames, but he was tempted to push him away and mock that kid.

But something stopped him, but what could it be?

Ron stared up at him with a tiny childish-smile and gave Severus an unexpected sloppy kiss on his cheek.

Severus gaped and didn't react until Ron had walked giggling away.

"489 POINTS FROM GRYFFINDOR!"

-

Harry jumped a little from his position on the floor and looked questionly up at the person he was giving foot-massage to.

"Did you hear that, my dear?"

Draco put down his 'Chica'- magazine and listened with a frown.

"No. I'm sure it was nothing, sweetheart." He went back to reading the tips about applying golden-eyeshadow.

Harry giggled and nodded before he to went back to what he was doing.

-

Severus leaned back and sipped slowly his cup of the with an evil glare directed to the Gryffindor table. Surprisingly to the other students it was not directed to Potter, but to a particular Weasley.

To his astonishment nobody seemed to comment Weasley's newest fashion sense.

His eyes widened in suspiscious as Weasley giggled and glanced back at him as he whispered to Potter and Granger.

-

"He was soooo cute!" said Ron with a big smile and was happily squealing with his two best friends.

"I can't believe it, you're so lucky Ronald!" Hermione smiled dreamily. "I hope I've got the same chance to Dobby."

"Oh darling! He will love you." Harry clapped Hermione's hand. "Go for it!"

"I think I will." Hermione had a happy glint in her brown eyes and waved to the person who suddenly appeared behind Harry.

"Hello my love..." Harry sighed in happiness as Draco wrapped his arms around him. "Ready for your full-body massage from me? The absolutely stunning and sexy Draco Malfoy?"

Draco winked and smiled as he noticed Harry wearing his present from him.

Harry nodded with a smirk and stood up.

"Yeees... And thank you for the green eye-shadow.." He waved to his best-friends excitingly. "Don't wait up!"

And with that they left the hall.

-

Severus watched at the scene horrified and resembled a goldfish at the moment.

His godson was dating Potter!

And everyone was acting like 'normal'!

What happend to the world!

He turned around to ask Minerva about what was going on and found himself speechless.

"What in Merlins name do you think you're doing!"

The sight was going to traumatize him for life.

But he was only seeing things...Right?

Sitting on Minerva's lap was the cheery Charms-master Filius Flitwick.

Minerva broke away from the sloppy snogging and smiled at the grimarcing Severus.

"Something you needed, Severus?"

Severus stared, stared and stared. Until he finally hurried up and walked away when Filius began whisper not so discreet kinky words to a giggling proffessor.

Minerva didn't even notice that Severus hadn't answered her question, you can guess why...

-

Severus sighed and wished that Voldemort would summon him.

Hopefully the lord wouldn't be at the same state as the others..

THAT would be a sight worth seeing.

He shook his head and continued patrol the halls.

'Voldemort acting like that? Yeah.. Riiight..!'

-

"My lord? Are you feeling alright?"

Bellatrix looked cautiously at her master, who was posing in front of a full-lenght mirror with a wondering frown.

"Of course, Trixie..." He waved with a hand and turned a bit still looking at the mirror. "You think my bum looks okay?"

Voldemort pursed his lips in thought and scratched his long wavy red-hair.

Bellatrix stared.

Something just wasn't right, it started just this morning!

Then you think... How do you know he is really insane? Isn't he always?

Well, having a really hyper dark lord dancing around with a short neon-brown (does that color even exist!) skirt with orange polka dots and bragging that he had find a PERFECT gift to Harry Potter, a pretty white wedding gown, was bound to make some people start wonder.

Don't forget he was shirtless with a drawing of Rita Skeeter on his chest.

"Trixie? Bellie? Bell? It's still big and full right?"

He stared worriedly at the mirror and glanced back at her.

Bellatrix shook her head and smiled nervously.

"Urhm.. Yes! Still gorgeous as ever.."

"Splendid!"

Voldemort smiled brightly like a kid in a candy store.

"'Cause I need it to be perfect for my lap-dance to Mae." He smiled dreamily. "And I am going to beat Sirius Black!"

Bellatrix gulped a little and started to back away towards the door but her eyes still trained on the determined dark lord.

"That's great, my lord. And if you excuse me I need to leave."

She hurriedly turned around and went for the door-knob.

Only stopping when Voldemort spoke again with a smug voice.

"Oh! Wait a minute. I need someone to practice with..."

-

"Miss Hermione, miss! Would you like Dobby to make you dinner, miss?"

Dobby happily bounced up and down clapping his hands.

Hermione blushed and nodded.

"Yes, please.. But just a carrot, please."

Dobby grinned a toothy grin and snapped his fingers.

Hermione jumped a bit when a carrot appeared in her hand and smiled in thanks.

Dobby flapped his ears nervously and twirled with his hands.

"Dobby is sorry to be blunt, miss. But... Could Dobby smear miss Hermione with strawberry jam?"

His eyes gave a twinkle and he grinned.

Hermione threw away her carrot, didn't notice it landing on Winky's head, and smirked as she knelt down in front of him.

"Miss Hermione would love to be handled by Dobby."

-

Severus looked around with panic and tried to find a way to escape.

"You stay away from me you bloody ponce!" He snarled at the man in front of him, who had obviously at some point taken away Severus wand or else...

The man having poor poor Sevvie cornered was none other than our Gyllenroy Lockhart.

He smiled so brightly that it could make a car collide with a truck, a airplane crashing by the blinding light and – you get what I mean.

Severus snorted when Lockhart tried to look hot by trying some pose.

He finally had enough and went closer him.

Lockhart grinned when he thought he knew what Severus was going to do.

"Finally my love! I knew you would give in to my charm!"

He leaned in for a kiss but suddenly felt something slam HARD on his groin.

Severus smiled in satisfaction when he saw Lockhart keel over and grimars in pain while holding over his 'private' parts.

His bubble burst however when the nightmare of his life went skipping towards him.

"Sevvie! Darling! There you are!" Ron advanced towards him with a happy grin but tripped.

"He's mine!" Lockhart was back in action. His blond hair was ruffled and he was growling.

"HAHA! No you stupid ponce! He's MINE!" shrieked Ron in a high voice and pounced on Lockhart.

That's were the cat fight started. Literally.

Severus didn't stay to long, he immediately escaped and intended to accomplish his mission by safe returning to his quarters. But not before he snatched his wand back.

He sadly missed the entertaining fight that contained slaps, claws, nipping and hair-pulling.

-

That leads us right back where we began with this really silly story.

Severus sighed once again and rubbed his temples, the headache was annoying him. As anything else going on for the moment.

He finally gave up and went to get the door. Loud banking wasn't really good for his head at the moment.

He threw up the door and was prepared to shout at the offending person if he wasn't suprised of the person standing at the door way.

"Black? What the fuck are you doing here?"

Sirius looked at him startled and held up his hands in defense.

"Hey, I'm here in peace!" He ignored the raised eyebrow from the ex. Death Eater and continued. "I stopped by Hoggy 'cause Remus was acting wierd.. And I mean REALLY wierd... He started to sing 'Oops I did it again' and 'Push the button'." Sirius shivered and blushed as he remembered the dance that came with it just for him.

Severus crossed his arm.

"And why did you come to me then?"

Sirius looked down and shifted a bit.

"Ah, well.. I thought about going to the Headmaster first.. But everyone I passed acted wierd including him, who was singing 'It's raining socks'.. So I thought you wouldn't be like that."

Severus had an idea. An evil and truly crazy idea.

"And how are you so sure that I'm not affected?"

Sirius snapped his head up and gulped as he saw Severus lick his lips and eye Sirius hungrily.

"Erhm... 'Cause I just do! And...And now you're only playing!"

He slowly backed away and to his dismay was stopped by a wall.

"Now, now, Black... Sirius.. Don't you like my company?"

Sirius could feel the hot breath against his cheek and began to breath faster.

"Yes. No! I mean no!"

He could almost see Severus smirk at the corner of his eyes.

'He's just playing..' thought Sirius as a comfort. 'He won't do anything.'

Disagreeing with his thought Severus leaned in and pressed his lips against Sirius's.

Sirius eyes became wide.

'Wow.. He's good.'

When he relaxed and was going to kiss back, Severus suddenly pulled away.

Severus smiled at him brightly and giggled before he left.

Leaving a gaping Sirius staring out into nothing.

-

Severus brushed his teeth, gurgled with water and sprayed breath-mint.

'Oh fucking hell... I just kissed Sirius Black.' He smirked. 'Mwuahaha.. I sure shocked him.'

He sighed and frowned when an black owl came flying in.

Severus imeadietly recognized that owl that pearched at his shoulder and gulped.

Carefully he untied the letter attached to its leg and opened it.

Severus groaned and slapped his hand against his forehead.

"I should have known they were behind this!"

_ **The Letter**:_

_Dear Sev,_

_Happy Birthday!_

_Hehe.. Thought we would forget, eh?_

_FAT CHANCE!_

_We had to much fun orginazing your present._

_The "be-a-silly-person" potion me and Kail made did wonders, right?_

_We are also proud for the 'costumes' make-ups and perms Lina, Mae and Nettie... Aow! Okey! And Sarichi accomplished._

_Hope ya had fun!_

_Much love from,_

_Leo Mallard_

_PS: **starts singing**_

_Mae: Happy Birthday to you!_

_Sarichi: Happy Birthday to you!_

_Lina: Happy Birthday!_

_Nettie: Happy Birthday!_

_Everybody: Happy Birthday to you!_

_**Hipp hipp! Hurray**! _

**-The End-**

-


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